#propheticparenting Lesson 01: A course on Raising Children entitled:
‘The Family: Where to?’
A course taught by Habib Tahir al-Attas. Hb Tahir is a graduate of Dar al-Mustafa and is currently working on his PhD on Family Affairs and has extensive experience in this field.
He is also the founder and Principal of the Qur’an School, Dar al-Tanzil.
This course has been going on for the past few weeks and I’ve found it to be very beneficial mashaAllah. I’ve been wanting to share my notes.. But it’s a lot. So I’ll share bits and pieces and number them inshaAllah.
For now, the introduction.
During the first session he mentioned how is it that we enter into marriage and parenthood without studying first how to be a wife/husband and how to parent in Islam while Rasulullah s.a.w has commanded us to follow him in his ways.
For eg, he s.a.w said about prayer, “Pray as how you see me pray” and he s.a.w said about hajj, “Take your rites from me” therefore before we begin to pray, we study first how to pray, and before we go for hajj, we learn how to perform hajj. And this goes for all aspects of our lives, for eg, if we want to start a business, it is wajib to learn the shari’ah laws around business and what Rasulullah s.a.w said about the conduct in business.
And he, s.a.w said, “The best of you are those who are best to his family, and I am best to my family”. This is enough as a proof that before we start a family, we need to learn the prophetic way of running a family and bringing up children.
Parenting isn’t something that comes naturally with the birth of a child. It is something that needs to be learnt. It is because we have neglected learning how to parent from our beloved Prophet s.a.w that we find so many issues within the family unit, children being neglected, children rebelling, running away.. And these problems magnify when they extend out to society as a whole.
#propheticparenting Lesson 02
There was once a woman who came to Sayyidina Umar r.a. and she was 9 months pregnant. She said to him, “O leader of the believers! Advise me on how do I bring up my child!”
He said, “You have come with your question 9 months too late!”
It is related that on the Day of Judgement, the ones who will cling on to a person the most will be his family and children. And they will bring him before Allah s.w.t and say, in complaint, “Our Lord! Take for us our rights from this oppressor!” and they will be pointing to their own parents, who have neglected teaching their children about the reality of the hereafter and about the matters of the religion in praying and fasting and charity.
The truth of nurturing children is that, it is a really heavy responsibility. In traditional Islamic societies, since the time of Rasulullah s.a.w, Muslims would begin preparing themselves to raise the next generation from way before marriage. In fact choosing a God-conscious spouse focused on the hereafter is part of bringing up righteous good children. And in fact, it is the RIGHT of the child that we choose for them good parents who are able to teach them. The people of the past would make it a habit to recite doas for good pious spouses and children from the time THEY have reached puberty!
SubhanaAllah, how far are we from these people? Is it any surprise to us, that in our focus on this dunia and neglect of the akhirah, that our children have become distant from Allah, and from us, disobedient to Allah, and to us. May Allah wake us up.
The first sunnah in bringing up children as mentioned by Habib Thohir is constant interaction in the form of play and conversation since they are little.
Rasulullah s.a.w always made it a point to play with his grandsons sayyidina Hasan and sayyidina Hussein, as well as his granddaughters like sayyidatina Umamah, as well as the children of the community.
Habib Thohir emphasises that PLANNED family time (at least 2 hours within the whole week) with all the children and both mother AND father is essential in the healthy upbringing of our children. Through doing this consistently, the following are achieved inshaAllah:
– instilling good manners and behaviour and making them naturally averse to rudeness and bad behaviour
– active listening and getting to know your children’s personalities well. This builds trust and comfort between parent and child
– building confidence in children so that they will be firm in their religion, in their beliefs and have a healthy self esteem.
– it makes disciplining them much easier especially as they grow older
This family time has to be part of the routine of the family from the beginning. In this time, no gadgets should be used (ie, phones) and if possible, not to use any form of technology. (ie, watching a movie together is not family time. It is basically the family sitting in the same room with a TV and not interacting with each other. Eating together is not counted either because you should be always eating together anyway, this is a given in traditional societies like tarim)
Examples of what you could do during family time:
– learn something together, be it a skill or something religious in nature.. Keep it fun and light hearted. Story telling is always fun.
– just go out and have fun playing a game or sport or go exploring together
– a home activity like playing pretend or acting
– conversation and discussion about anything
The list goes on. It could be anything, but please plan it and be present when you have it.
The whole point is to instill in your children from the very beginning a comfort level with their parents and a strong bond of love and respect so that when it comes to guiding them in life, they are more receptive of the advice from their parents and they see their parents with the eye of respect and awe.
This is an essential basis from which good upbringing can be built on.
#propheticparenting Lesson 03
Of the many amazing things I found in Tarim, is how serious the religious leaders (“habaaib” and “hababahs” as they are lovingly addressed by) here are about the correct upbringing of children, and in following closely the teachings of our Prophet s.a.w.
Almost every other week, the Friday sermon will be about the family unit, emphasising to the society that nothing is more precious and no one is more deserving of your time and effort than your own family. Your family has rights over you, your children have rights over you. Rights with regards to their physical needs in this world, and even greater and more serious rights regarding their spiritual needs to be successful in the hereafter. May Allah keep us and our children on the right path to Him.
Today we had the golden opportunity to visit the wives of a very beloved habib worldwide, Habib Umar. As we sat with them, and enjoyed their company, we took the chance to ask them questions about bringing up children and the problems that we face especially in the modern day. InshaAllah what follows is section from our short “interview”.
Q: Tell us some things that Habib has emphasised on in the upbringing of your children.
A: One thing that Habib has done is that, as you can see, he has built this house with a big outdoor area for the children to play with. He has made it so big that they have no need to play elsewhere. He also ensures that the ground of the courtyard is sand and not cement or stone because there’s a spiritual secret in sand and children grow up well in sand (it is related that sand is the growing place of children). They need sand to grow up healthy physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
This compound that habib has built protects his children from bad influences found outside and keeps them pure. Habib himself raises his children. He is never too busy for them!
Q: Ustazah, in the west, this is hard for us to do. We can’t keep our children confined. Our children will no doubt be exposed to very bad influence and foulness that is everywhere in the west. Even within our families, we have family members that do not practice the religion and we are afraid that our children pick up their bad language and behavior and disobedience to Allah. What do you advice us to do?
A: I actually understand your concerns and the difficulty you face in protecting your children from bad influence. I myself, even though we live in a protected sanctuary that habib built for us, every time I bring my kids to visit MY family, I fear the influence that they have over my children especially with the TV in their homes.
I advice you to hold tightly onto two things, never underestimate them.
First, embed in them all good and pure qualities from when they are little. Try your best to create a home environment filled with acts of obedience to Allah so that all they are exposed to most of the time at home are acts of obedience. And pay attention to what they pick up. The moment you find them saying or doing anything undesirable, address it immediately and gently make it very clear that this behaviour is not acceptable.
This is essential because this will become their natural inclination. When all they have ever heard are good and pure words, and all they ever see is prayer in congregation and love and harmony, so when they do go out to their cousin’s houses and see bad things on TV, or hear name calling or disobedience to Allah, their internal state immediately rejects it and is repulsed by it. I can’t emphasise how important it is to instil in them a love for all things Allah loves. This is what will protect them from evil throughout their lives.
The 2nd thing is of course, doa. Never ever neglect praying for your children. There are many doas for righteous children in the Qur’an. In your sujud, say the doa of nabi Ibrahim : “Rabbij-alni muqeemas solaah wa min dzuriyyati…” in abundance and your children will protected.
Hold on to doa for through out your lives and Allah will keep you and your children in His protection.
May Allah help us in bringing ourselves and our families close to Him and His Prophet s.a.w
(this rainbow greeted us on our way back from our visit. It rain is infrequent in Tarim, and so rainbows are very rare. Such a beautiful sight to end a beautiful ziyarah)
#propheticparenting lesson 04
Recognise that your child… Is just a child. He isn’t an adult.
For the religion recognises that. Which is why he isn’t held to account for any religious obligation until he hits puberty, and then he is treated as a fully accountable adult.
So you are not allowed to hit him (lightly with a twig) until he is at least 10 years old and even then for something as serious in the religion as refusing to pray. And this hit is not to punish, it is to discipline. Because it’s not even a proper hit, it’s light tap on the hand to make him pay attention.
So what is with parents who are so quick to pinch a 3 year old for spilling a drink? Or to shout at them angrily when they break something. As if this 3 year old should know better?
Where does this behaviour stand in our religion? I’ll tell you where it stands. It stands on the side of oppression. Because you have harmed a human whose mind isn’t even fully developed and is still figuring out himself and the world around him. That’s unfair and that’s oppression.
Rather, in disciplining a child, the way of our prophet (may peace and blessings be upon him) is to always focus on teaching what is the right thing to do and emphasising it over and over and over (and overrrrr) again, or to remove him from the situation (eg, if he is hitting other children, bring him away and talk to him nicely, or take away the toy that is causing the fight, but don’t hit him).
Our beloved prophet (may peace and blessings be upon him) was related to have never raised his hand, nor voice against ANYONE, be it man, woman, children, servant, or slave. Unless it was in battle, and even then it was usually on the defence and never on the offence.
Hitting is not the way of our beloved prophet.
Shouting is not the way of our beloved prophet.
Condemning is not the way of our beloved prophet.
Sarcasm is not the way of our beloved prophet.
Using harsh words or negative terms like stupid, naughty, clumsy, useless is definitely not the way of our beloved prophet.
Positive words of encouragement is the way of our beloved prophet.
Hugging and dhikr is the way of our beloved prophet.
Speaking with a soft voice and smiling face is the way of our beloved prophet.
Reminding, reminding, reminding, is the way of our beloved prophet.
Calling others with good positive names is the way of our beloved prophet.
MERCY and FORGIVENESS and PARDONING is definitely the way of our beloved prophet.
Especially, and especially so, to children.
May peace and the blessings of Allah be upon him and his family and his companions.
So where are we in following the way of this man whom we claim to love?
#propheticparenting lesson 05
Be conscious of what you feed your child.
(And I mean more than just food)
Of course food is highly important as the pious have said, flesh nourished from halal will be inclined to obey, and flesh nourished from haram will be inclined to disobey, whether they choose to or not.
And in feeding them halal food, have righteous and high intentions. Especially when you are feeding them directly from yourself like breastfeeding.
Intend that your milk increases them in faith and love for Allah ﷻ and His Prophet ﷺ.
Intend that the nutrients be used only for obedience of Allah ﷻ and following the Prophet ﷺ.
Intend that it make them good gentle obedient children to their parents.
Intend it to be a light in them, keeping them on truth and guidance till they die.
Intend that it purifies their tongue and heart to make them good Muslims.
Intend intend intend, for it is for you whatever you intend.
This morning I was listening to Habib Umar’s lesson on the life of the Prophet ﷺ.
The love that flowed from him as he spoke about the Beloved ﷺ flowed so strongly into my heart and my veins and manifested in my warm tears. And I thought to myself.. MashaaAllah how strong is this? My heart was beating hard with overflowing love for the Beloved ﷺ. And I know many of us experience this while we listen to lectures on Rasulullah ﷺ, so can you imagine that milk that comes from a heart filled with the love for Rasulullah ﷺ, how will it affect the child drinking it? For Rasulullah ﷺ said that blood mixed with love for him ﷺ is forbidden from touching the fire of hell.
So mothers.. Seize this 2 years of feeding your child from your own milk. Let every feed be filled with love and dhikr. Even if you are so tired.. At least just keep saying Allah Allah ..
And be careful from falling into what is opposite to this. Don’t feed them while angry with someone, especially your husband or parents, as you would be feeding them anger. Try try try your best to control your emotions for Rasulullah ﷺ said be wary of the wet nurse for she gives more than just milk.
Other than food, you are feeding them your expressions – facial and verbal.
Smiling cheerful positive parents will usually result in smiling cheerful positive children. And the opposite is also true.
I know of children who would habitually say “opocot!” or “alamak” or even worse, “makkau” when something or someone fell. While these words may not be curse words, they aren’t the best of expressions. These same children, when exposed to adults who habitually said “Ya Allah” or selawat when things fell, began to naturally also say ya Allah or selawat in place of the undesired earlier expressions. This might seem insignificant to some, but it’s a guiding light that will shine on their tongue and hearts.
On my way to teach the other day, I heard the kids in the kindergarten near my house singing and dancing to pop songs with lyrics I’m too embarrassed to mention. On the same day, I heard another group of pre schoolers singing aqidatul awam by heart, which is said, whoever memorises it enters paradise. SubhanaAllah, Kids of the same age, yet one group exposed to light, and the other, to darkness.
If you really want to guard your children, guard yourself first. For as mentioned in Riyadhatus Sibyan (a book on raising children traditionally),
“Children are pure gems, reflecting whatever is placed before them, be it beautiful or ugly”
And may Allah ﷻ protect us and our children.
#propheticparenting lesson 06
As promised in the previous #jenazahpreparation post, just as it would be useful to have a step-by-step what-to-do when someone just passed away, it would be equally as useful to have a step-by-step what-to-do when someone is just born. I’ll try my best to make it simple and brief so it could be forwarded via WhatsApp to whoever is experiencing labour.
1. Stay off processed sugar as far as possible. Fill up on dates. Eat healthily. Stay away from doubtful makruh food, especially those not cooked with dhikr and selawat. This is for life. Not just for birth.
2. Lots of Quran and Dhikr and keeping the company of the righteous. Guard your eyes and ears from looking or listening to what is haram. Stay away from songs and movies that do not remind you of God, as these things bring darkness into your heart and will affect your child.
3. If you are experiencing bleeding and pains and fear for the baby, say ya Awwal ya Mubdi’ over and over again while rubbing over womb. Ask Allah ﷻ, the only One who can protect and preserve your baby to protect and preserve your baby.
WHEN APPROACHING EDD
1. Read Surah Al Baqarah once every 3 days in the room you plan to deliver in. This is for those planning for home birth. Shaitan is not able to enter a house in which surah Baqarah is read.
2. Fill your house with a lot of Quran and dhikr to bring in the angels
3. For those giving birth in hospital, get your husband or whoever is with you to recite surah Baqarah in the ward. This stops Shaitan from gleefully stamping his mark on your baby and claiming him to be a follower of his.
4. Do lots and lots and lots of selawat while rubbing your tummy. Sing it out loud. The vibrations sooth the baby in you and this eases delivery.
WHEN IN LABOUR
1. These are the following ayats to recite:
– Surah Zilzal
– Surah Abasa verse 20
’ثُمَّ السَّبِيلَ يَسَّرَهُ (20)’ [سورة عبس]
“then He eased the way (for birth)”
– Surah Tariq verse 7
’يَخْرُجُ مِنْ بَيْنِ الصُّلْبِ وَالتَّرَائِبِ (7)’ [سورة الطارق]
– Repeat Ya Waasi’ Ya Fattaah in abundance
– repeat Lailla ha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntu minazzolimin
– Surah Baqarah in the ward. Or at least ayatul kursi.
1. Recite verse of Surah Ali Imran verse 36 over child
وَإِنِّي أُعِيذُهَا بِكَ وَذُرِّيَّتَهَا مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ (36)’ [سورة آل عمران]
“and surely I place her in Your protection, as well as her descendents, from the accursed satan”
2. Azan in right ear, having in heart these following intentions:
“I am calling the Azan in his ear with the intention that
– I am acting on the sunnah of my Prophet ﷺ and so that this action be a light that shines throughout the life of my child
– my child will be someone who loves the prayer and establishes it
– he rushes to the prayer when he faces ease and difficulty
– the prayer is the coolness of his eyes
– he ascends into the presence of Allah when he prays… ”
(you should think of more intentions and add them in yourself for your child. And for you all that you intend, inshaAllah)
3. Iqamah into the left ear, having in heart the following intentions (and more)
“I am calling the Iqamah in his ear with the intention that
– I am acting on the sunnah of my Prophet ﷺ and so that this action be a light that shines throughout the life of my child
– that my child be someone who calls others to the worship of Allah ﷻ
– that my child never delays the prayer, rather he is one who rushes to the prayer the moment he is able to
– the prayer is his priority in life
– that he be of those Allah ﷻ described in the Qur’an as the musolleen: those who are in a constant state of prayer, those who guard their chastity, those who uphold their trusts, those who give charity.
(and whatever more intentions you can think about)
4. First time mother nurses the child, and for every time thereafter when you nurse
Ansar Shezad, [19.11.18 15:59]
– begin with the right
– say bismillah and the doa before eating out loud, end with Alhamdullillah and the doa after eating
– have in your heart righteous intentions for the milk, for eg,
— may this milk nourish you, my child, with iman and taqwa and love for Allah ﷻ and His Prophet ﷺ
— may the energy in it and the flesh it builds only be used to obey Allah ﷻ and follow His Prophet ﷺ and to serve all those around you
— may you only consume what is halal and pure throughout your life
— may he eventually drink from the hawdh of Rasulullah ﷺ, in paradise, whose water is whiter than milk, sweeter than honey, more fragrant than musk
5. Tahneek, or the rubbing of softened dates in the mouth
Have the following intentions in your heart:
– I am acting on the sunnah of my Prophet ﷺ and so that this action be a light that shines throughout the life of my child
– may Allah ﷻ purify your tongue and allow it to say only what is pleasing to Allah ﷻ, Rasulullah ﷺ and your parents
– do not let this tongue engage in the grave sin of backbiting and lying
– keep this tongue constantly on dhikr and recitation of Qur’an
– may he only consume what is halal and pure
– may he taste the sweetness of faith and Qur’an recitation just as he tastes the sweetness of these dates
– may he eat from the fruits of paradise
After this first Tahneek, usually done by the father or a pious individual, it is recommended to get righteous people to redo the Tahneek for barakah ie blessings and to get their doas for the child.
You may give the name on the first day or 7th day. Again, insert as many righteous intentions as you can think of with the naming. Eg, if you name her Fatimah, then intend that she be steadfast on the path of Sayyidatina Fathimah, that she holds on to modesty, etc..
Also with the aqiqah, intend to follow the sunnah, intend charity, intend gratitude to Allah ﷻ for bestowing you with a child, intend to spread the joy to others..
WHEN GIVEN THE GOOD NEWS OF THE BIRTH OF A CHILD
Rasulullah ﷺ used to say,
بارك الله لك في الموهوب و شكرت الوهاب و بلغ أشده و رزفتم بره
May Allah ﷻ bless you in this gift, and may you thank the Giver, and may He cause him to reach maturity, and may you be granted his goodness to you.
Then you may doa for the child.
Rasulullah ﷺ said, “Actions are only by their intentions and for every person, whatever he intends”
Never underestimate the power of intention.
#propheticparenting lesson 07
What do I teach my children first? And how do I do it?
Rasulullah ﷺ said, “Teach your children 3 things: 1. Love of me, 2. Love of my family, 3. Recitation of the Qur’an”
In fact, in some narrations, he ﷺ said, “DISCIPLINE your children on 3 things…”
In this hadith, is the key to having your child grow up to be inwardly beautiful human beings, beautiful to the creation, as well as to the Creator.
Let’s take a deeper look at this hadith. The first thing mentioned is the love of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.
We are in the blessed month of the birth of our Beloved Prophet ﷺ. Muslims all over the world rejoice in this month, as it is the month whereby the greatest blessing sent by God to the whole of humanity manifested in physical form.
This is the best month to start developing the love of the Prophet ﷺ in the hearts of your little ones.
Here are some tips how:
It’s based on the 7S
1. Sirah : ie, the biography of the Prophet ﷺ. Have some time daily where you tell them a short story from the life of their prophet ﷺ.
2. Shamail : inward and outward characteristics.
Describe the physical form of the Prophet ﷺ to them and get them to imagine how he looked. He was the most smiley handsome person to ever exist.
3. Sunnah : nothing protects your children from the ill influences of this world more than the sunnah. Make it a point to always point out the sunnah in every day actions. Eg, put on your right shoe before the left.
4. Shari’ah : be obedient to God. Nothing pleases Rasulullah ﷺ more than people who obey God.
5. Selawat : sing selawats together
6. See him ﷺ : mention him daily to your children. Make him very present in your daily lives.
7. Service : whoever serves, then he is ahead. Train them to love serving.. Make it very enjoyable so that they would love it.
InshaAllah further methods of developing love for Rasulullah ﷺ, as well as achieving the other 2 things to teach your children will be covered in the prophetic parenting classes on Saturdays (East), and Wednesdays (west)
May Allah ﷻ bring us closer to our prophet ﷺ
#propheticparenting lesson 08
Today as I was walking through Bedok central on my way to #propheticparenting class, I had the same flashback that never fails to come to me whenever I walk through that area.
A memory, of myself as a little girl, holding my Nani’s (grandmother) hand, walking along this exact street, as I followed her to her weekly religious class. She would usually stop at a small shop in the corner and buy me a treat. That shop is still there.
I still remember, it was every Tuesday.
My Nani would always bring us with her to classes. And she’d always buy us a treat for following her.
Later that evening, we had a recitation of the maulid Sharaful Anam at my parents’ house. It is my favourite maulid and I fell in love with it the first time I heard it in Tareem.
Little did I know, that my Nani loved it too. And she used to sing it beautifully, until my grandfather passed away. Then she stopped. Which was why I never heard it from her.
Many times I’d find something in Tareem that amazes me or that I fall in love with, only to find out later that my own grandmother and mother have been practising it for years without me knowing or paying attention
But these things resonated with me and I felt that to love them was so natural.
And I know that this came from them. My ancestors.
There is a truth to blessings going through a person and continuing into his descendents. We honestly don’t know how much of our situation and state right now was a result of a prayer one of our ancestors did, or the company of a righteous Saint that they kept who made doa for them and their descendents or the classes that they used to attend, or the dzikr they used to do. We really don’t know.
In Surah Kahfi, Prophet Musa and Khidr a.s. came across 2 orphan boys who had treasure buried underneath a wall. This treasure was from their righteous father. In the commentary, it is mentioned that this was in fact their great grandfather 7 generations up. The righteousness of that man resulted in Allah ﷻ gifting them this treasure out of His love for their ancestor. And this is just a physical manifestation of God’s gift onto the descendents of this righteous person.. How then, would be the spiritual everlasting gift?
The truth is, the spiritual and emotional state of a person does trickle down to his descendents. So look into yourself, your habits, your worship, your faith, your gatherings, and remove what you would not like to pass down to your descendents, and build up on what you would.
When you attend religious classes, or gatherings of dzikr or sit in the company of the righteous, intend that the blessings reach your descendents. It is related that one of the greatest scholars Imam Ramli, at the age of 7, merely sat in the presence of the great scholar of Egypt during his time, and by that, he attained greatness and deep understanding in his knowledge.
These people understood blessings.
Earlier today, a friend asked me if I could record and save my classes on a hard drive that can be kept. I said, I would like to, definitely. Because I don’t know how long more I will be on this Earth, and when I have passed on, I would like my children to listen to the recordings of my classes and remind them of the point of life. I would like to still teach them, even after my death.
And though part of me wished that I had a recording of my Nani reading Sharaful Anam, or even that she was still alive so that I could hear Sharaful Anam from her, and have her teach me some of the tunes that I was unsure of and sing it together (I can just imagine now how happy that would have made her and how much fun it would have been), I know that even without all this, her love for it has impacted me.
I know that her love for it trickled down to my mother, and then to me. And may it continue trickling down to those who would come after me, all having hearts beating in love of the Prophet ﷺ.
Then maybe in paradise, InshaAllah, we can have our gathering, across generations, singing Sharaful Anam, with the Prophet ﷺ in everlasting joy and bliss.
#propheticparenting lesson 09
Bringing up a happy, healthy child.
And which parent doesn’t want that for their child, right?
However, many of us, unknowingly, sabotage the overall health and happiness of our child.
There are 2 principles we need to internalise first before we set off on our duty in bringing up healthy and happy children.
1. First, that the child, like all human beings, has essentially 4 aspects to his existence :
In everything that we do with our child or expose them to, we need to keep these 4 aspects in mind.
Think : This thing that I’m giving them, or this activity that they are engaged in, is it developing them, or harming them? If is not developing any of these 4 aspects, then at least make sure, that it isn’t detrimental to any of the 4.
There is much to be said about each of these aspects, and you can refer to our Prophetic Parenting classes (pm me for the link, women only) for more details.
Throughout the next 2 weeks, I’ll post a few important things about each aspect. InshaAllah.
2. Second, understand that while he is a gift to you from God, he is a heavy responsibility on you. So it IS your responsibility to guard over what he consumes physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.
He is a pure human being, as mentioned in a hadith : “Every child is born pure (on fitrah), and it is the parents who make him a Jew, Christian or Majian (fire worshipper)”
The meaning of the hadith can be definitely extrapolated into other qualities. It is the parent who makes the child dunya-obsessed, or self-obsessed.
And it is the parent who helps the child be focused on the next world, and selfless, always placing others first.
The Righteous have a saying, “The child is like flour, and the mother holds the water. She decides how soft and flexible or how hard and brittle her child will be”
So think, what kind of water you are kneading your child with.
(The image attached is a gift someone gave to me some time ago. The words always bothered me but I wasn’t so sure how to change it.
Initially I thought of cancelling the word “you” and replace it with the word “others”
Then I thought, but it could be that what makes others happy isn’t the best for them. So you should not necessarily always do what makes others happy. Especially children. They don’t know what is good for them. They just know what their lower desires likes.
Then it hit me. Of course! Do what makes GOD happy. Because what makes God happy necessarily WILL bring goodness and happiness to everyone around you including yourself, in this world, and even more in the eternal next world.)
May God give us realisation.